I lost someone recently that I wasn’t really close to. I used to work with him. He died suddenly in an accident. Another ex-colleague told me about it. I did not know his family, I did not know anything about him but his work. I somehow never asked. He was a very senior person in the organisation and I really enjoyed working with him, so I kept the personal out of it.
But, now that he is no more, all I can remember is the personal. I can’t remember any of the official discussions, but I do remember that the first time I told him that I tried really hard until then, to not become the ‘gender wali aurat,’ he told me I should be proud of it. He said “people like us have a lot to learn from people like you. The questions you ask and the points you raise are very important, Aila. You should care what label people put on you.” From that first discussion he would introduce me as ‘hamari gender wali aurat’ in every meeting we ever attended. I was not even actively looking for validation from him, I was trying my best to impress someone else, but he gave me all the validation I required.
I guess some people are just like that, they come into your life and make an amazing impression on you and walk away. I never had a bad conversation with him! Even when I was upset with the work and the work space and my colleagues, he had a way of saying ‘there are bigger things you are fighting for, don’t let anyone get you down’ without actually saying it.
He was not my manager or my mentor. He never gave me any work related guidance. But he had a calming presence. He made things practical. Whenever we came up with grand ideas, I would look for his approval to know that these grand ideas are actually going to work. He never said they wouldn’t but he would do something that made you realise what he was thinking.
I did not know him very well, so I might be wrong in thinking that he was perfect. Maybe there are some people who have complaints against him but to me, he was an amazing colleague. Ranchi will never be the same without him there.
The last thing he told me was that he wanted me to register my own NGO. He found the time to call and explain how an organisation gets registered and told me that I should do it, that I will be able to do good work. He did not know me that well either, but his words will always stay with me. It is times like these I wish heaven exists, so I can look up to the sky one day and tell him that I did it.
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